If You Knew Me
by doxthextimexwarp
Summary: Lauren Tanner is already labeled as the Mean Girl. A look into who she really is in a fourty-eight hour period. When you only see the surface, do you really know?
1. Chapter 1

**If You Knew Me**

**Lauren Tanner, the so called "bitch" of Make It or Break It, has so much more to her than what is met at the surface. In this story, I hope to provide you with a plausable explanation for her behavior on the show. I drew from past facts given (for example, that her mom was a druggie and left her) to make it more real. I hope you enjoy but also look deeper into the actual Lauren Tanner.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own MIOBI.**

Lauren Tanner stared at the picture on the front of the local newspaper her father had left on the kitchen counter this morning before he left for work (which was early). He hadn't said good-bye, he hadn't said good-morning. Nor did he leave a sweet message on a pink post-it for her just telling her that he loved her. He didn't wake her up in the mornings, he left the garage door to do that task for him.

Her eyes scanned the headline once more: KAYLIE CRUZ ONCE AGAIN REIGNING CHAMP! Lauren sighed to herself. Carter was upstairs showering after a long night the two had shared intimately. She felt her eyes start to water slightly, and she quickly brought a perfect manicured finger up to her right eye and brush away any tear that just might have left during that moment. She took a deep breath, focused on the fridge, and pulled out some orange juice and poured it into two crystal kitchen glasses.

She took a sip from hers and felt a bitter taste go down her throat. She felt a few strands of pulp catch at the roof of her mouth and scraped them off with her tongue, slowly and methodically. She went through this every morning. Whenever her dad went to the grocery story, which wasn't really often to begin with (they usually ate out), he always made sure to buy the OJ with pulp. Now, a normal person may enjoy it that way, but Lauren had always disliked the pulp aspect. She could deal with it, but it just wasn't one of those things she had learned to love.

She remembered when she was younger, age five, and she told her dad after his return from the store that she hated the orange juice he got, his reply held no care. With his back turned to his young daughter, who was busy stocking the fruit prettily in its bowl on the counter, he said, "That's nice sweetie. Now I have to go take an important phone call. Go see if Miss Nancy can play with you outside on the swings for a while."

She remembered feeling so hurt, so cut, just by his simple nonchalant response at what she wanted. She ran up to Miss Nancy, her nanny, who was in the dining room cleaning the china. Lauren ran up to her and grabbed at her apron strings. "Daddy has a phone call. He won't get juice without those weird things in 'em."

"Oh?" was Miss Nancy's reply. "You should learn to love it, child. Your dad is busy. He can't possibly remember things that you want as simple as that."

"But why?"

"He's a busy man, Lauren. So you shouldn't bother him with that sort of talk. He works hard all day, that Mr. Tanner. You shouldn't bother him so." Miss Nancy turned around and gave Lauren a slight smile. "Now go along and practice your tumbling downstairs on the mat."

Lauren never forgot Miss Nancy's words. She left a while later, after having a short affair with her father (as all of her nanny's preceding her and after her held). She was replaced by a multitude of nannies from different countries and with different looks. From each of them, she learned about beauty…

"Now, Lauren," began Miss Kathy, "nails should always look impeccable. They are the first part of a woman that a man is meant to touch. And just like the woman she is, they should be perfect. Give me your hand and I'll do yours for you."

Seven-year-old Lauren handed her delicate hand over to her nanny, Miss Kathy, who began to place bubblegum pink nail polish on each of her nails. When she finished, Lauren gently blew on them to dry. Then she ran down the hall to her father's room to show him.

"Daddy! Daddy! Look what Miss Kathy did!" she ran up to him and wiggled her fingers in front of her father's face from where he sat at his desk.

"That's nice, sweetheart. I'm on the phone with an important man. Go see if Miss Kathy can go play with you outside for a while."

Lauren's smile froze and drooped slightly at the corners. She gave a curt nod and then walked slowly back to Miss Kathy, who was now cleaning up the beauty supplies. She asked Miss Kathy if she wanted to play dress up, too.

"No, Lauren," she began once again, "I'm busy. How about you practice your gymnastics downstairs on the mats instead? Your new beam would be fun to play with instead of me."

That was always someone's excuse, "Go play downstairs with your gym equipment." The only thing she could turn to, ever since she was really young, was her gymnastics equipment. It was there for her, always. The mat caught her when she fell. Every single time. The beam gave her a path to walk when she didn't know which way to go. Every single time. The spring board always pushed her to new heights, pushed her past the gravity and into the air. It shot her up away from the earth and reality's reaching. Every single time.

She heard two feet hit the wood stairway steps with a thud, thud. And a few seconds later she saw Carter in his gym wear grabbing the glass of OJ she left out for him. He gulped it down, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "This is good. I love OJ with pulp," he said briskly to Lauren. "Off to the gym. Catch you later, babe." He gave a small wave and then headed out through the front door.

All Lauren could do was fake a smile.

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	2. Chapter 2

**If You Knew Me**

**Chapter Two**

Cleaning up the dishes that she and Carter had created, Lauren moved to the kitchen sink and turned the faucet on. She watched as the mild water covered the glass with little mirrors and she saw bits and pieces of her face appear.

"You look just like your mother."

Maybe that was why he didn't really want to be with her often. I mean, it was no secret that Lauren had no mother. It was just that no one really paid attention as to _why._

It was a year before Miss Nancy, when Lauren was four, that her mother moved out officially. To be true, it wasn't like she lived at home much to begin with. She kept going to the "spa" as her dad had referred to it, and as Lauren pondered it further, Lauren saw the similarities. Her mother went to rehab to detox in a way, to get rid of her addiction. She went to rejuvenite; she wanted to start fresh and pure.

But she never really did. Nor did she probably want to.

Though she was really young and the memories are foggy, she could sometimes recall a glimpse of watching her mother at the mirror, powdering her nose to keep the redness down. Sometimes she thought she saw candy go up her mother's nose and she would wonder why she would waste such good candy by not eating it.

Lauren shook her head and glanced at the clock. Damn, she was going to be running behind again. She zipped upstairs to her large bedroom and went to her gymnastics drawer. She took off her plaid pink pajama shorts and white tank and pulled on her orange leotard in a matter of seconds. She didn't bother showering because there was no point. She would just start sweating in a matter of minutes once she reached the gym. She could shower later in the locker rooms.

"Kaylie, get a little higher and you'll be golden. Emily, same to you," Sasha shouted from his balcony at the Rock Girls. The three of them, excluding Payson who was busy at the weight lifting section, were at the vault. Lauren went up to the vault and began to do the short routine that had been choreographed for her. When she finished, she turned to face Sasha who yelled out to her, "Keep yourself tucked in."

"Lauren, if you lose a few pounds, you won't have to work so hard to tuck yourself in," whispered a voice crisply into her ear. The warm breath sent goose bumps against Lauren's neck. She turned her head around quickly with a look of slight shock. "Lauren, I'm just giving you pointers. I want you at your best," said the head of the National Team. Lauren nodded curtly and then headed over to the beam for her last portion of practice.

She just needed to focus more.

_Shhh, Lauren, it's me. You've got this. You always have. Just follow where the beam tells you to go. Lauren, you can do this. Shhh…Just breathe._

She finished her routine and bounced over to Kaylie and Emily. "What did you think?" she asked happily with a large smile on her face. Beam was hers and hers only. Regardless of what Kaylie and Emily could do, they would never match her on beam.

"Lauren," Kaylie began with a twisted smirk and a glint of meanness in her eyes, "you can gloat all you want. But all that matters is who takes home the gold at the end of the day. And that happens to be me." Kaylie grabbed Emily's arm with a slight pull. Emily, with a look of bewilderment, gave one short nod to Lauren and went with Kaylie over to chat with Payson near the leg machine.

Lauren gave a slight huff and put her hands on her hips. She watched with longing as Sasha smiled at Kaylie and Emily, not once turning to look at her and at least maybe share that same smile with her.

Not wanting to look stupid, she walked with controlled patience into the locker room, grabbed her Rock gym bag from her locker, and went into the showers. She closed the white curtain on one of the individualized showers, took off her leotard and stuck it in her gym bag. She pulled out her hair kit and placed it on one of the shelves that was out of the stream of water's way.

She turned on the faucet so warm water could flow against her. She pulled out her hair from its tie and let it loose. She sighed and stepped closer into the water. It wasn't warm enough. She turned the faucet a little more to the left and gave it time to heat.

It still wasn't warm enough. She turned it once again slightly more to the left and then sat down on the cool tile of the shower. She leaned her head against the back tiled wall of the shower and brought her legs in against her chest.

Still wasn't hot enough. She brought up her right hand and turned the faucet all the way over so it was scorching. She wrapped her arms around her legs and put her head against her knees.

No matter how warm it was, it never was able to warm her fully. Her insides still felt cold, iced up. Just... empty really. She sighed.

She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she took delight in the slight pain that she felt against her skin from the scorching temperature of the water as it collided against her. The red marks it made seemed to justify that she could feel. Even if it only was just water.

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	3. Chapter 3

**If You Knew Me**

"What'cha cookin', Babe?" called Carter from the den. Lauren had gone straight home after her shower. Not wanting to get in the way of anyone else, she quickly scurried out the back door. When she got to her place, she saw Carter's jeep in the driveway and the door was already unlocked. She walked in and shouted out Carter's name, but when she headed into the kitchen for a glass of water, she heard a shower on and concluded that must be where he was.

She pulled out a Vitamin Water and swallowed it down slowly and methodically. She felt the watermelon taste glide along her tongue and enjoyed the cool feeling it gave the back of her throat. She finished it and twisted the cap back on and threw it in the recycle bin. She headed over to the pantry to decide on dinner when she heard the familiar thud, thud come down the stairs and enter the den. A few minutes later, with a pot of water on the stove and the sports network blaring only a room away, was when Carter called out for her.

She watched as bubbles began to come slowly to the top and replied with a shout, "Pasta, Love."

"Sounds good, Babe."

Babe. She hated that word. She would never admit it to anyone out loud, especially since (not to sound conceited) she did look like one. A Babe was basically a term for a Barbie: blonde hair, blue eyes, curvaceous body. Yeah, she knew she fit the bill. Obviously. But when she was getting tired of people only seeing that. Was "Babe" the only word anyone could use to describe her? Couldn't somebody use the word "Beautiful" for once? Or "Lovely?"

_He loves you, Lauren. It shouldn't matter what he calls you. _

But every "Babe" cut into her heart a little bit more. She longed for him to call her the "Most Beautiful Woman in the World." Or "The Only Girl for Me." But ever since they had got together, even before they had really become a couple and she had slept with him for that first time, it was still "Babe."

There had been no change in nickname when they had gotten together. Lauren thought at first that maybe it was simply just because he was a dude and dudes don't really call their woman significant others a different name besides "Babe." But during a late-night practice a few weeks ago, Lauren had been near the front doors attempting to find Carter to bring him some left-over pizza slices that she had reheated for him (she had cooked it from scratch; it was Hawaiian, his favorite. And she had suffered through eating pineapple for him) when she saw him. He was near the floor mats with Kaylie and he had one hand on front of Kaylie's stomach and the other on her back when he smiled at her and said,

"That was absolutely amazing! Way to flip it and go for it, Kaylie!" He spun her to face him and he had his hands against her waist fully now as Kaylie gave him that charming smile she always gave. "I'm so excited for when you go to Worlds! You are sure to get Gold again, Mon Coeur!"

"Mon Coeur?" Kaylie asked with a coy smile. "What does that mean, Carter?" she questioned him as she pressed her index finger against his chest and only skin away from his heart.

"Just that I'm impressed. In French, of course," he replied with a sort-of daze expression. He gave a smile and then he pulled his hands quickly away from her and then added, "Let's do it again."

Lauren didn't want to watch anymore. She opened the door quickly and walked out in a huff. She threw the container with the pizza slices in the trash and happened to look up as she did so. She noticed that Carter's jeep and Kaylie's cute convertible were parked side-by-side. Lauren had parked two spots closer to the door. She hadn't realized it then, but as she thought about it now, maybe it was sign.

"Babe, is something burning?"

Shit. Lauren looked up from where she had been standing and reflecting and took a step over to the pasta. Carter was right, it had burned. She took a deep breath as her senses came back into consciousness and she turned off the stove. She grabbed the pot handle and brought over the silver container's contents to the sink where she dumped it out. Some of the water had managed to jump onto her skin as it had been ruefully moved into the sink. Lauren gasped slightly. She had now been burned, too.

Lauren was now laying under the sheets next to Carter, who was on his stomach and stretched out above the sheets, but under the duvet. After a dinner of Hawaiian pizza (with Lauren forcing herself to swallow the pineapple with a smile), Carter insisted they head up to the bedroom with a wiggle of his eyebrows and a persuading smile.

_God damn,_ Lauren mentally berated herself_, why are you so damn easy?_

Lauren knew. It was his smile; that one where it's so bright that his eyes begin to crinkle a bit at the sides. It was his face; it was handsome and rugged and who wouldn't want to kiss that face? It was his body; it was muscular and defined after working so hard at the gym and she put her arms around him so often, but she never managed to fit her body around nicely. It was the fact that he was finally hers. After years of pining over him and desiring him and crushing on him, he had finally been hers.

Not after he lost Kaylie, though. Late at night when Lauren was sure that Carter was finally asleep, she would turn over on her side and face him. His mouth would be slightly open and his breathing would be deep, but his face was pure without worry. She would begin to ponder what actually their relationship was truly based off of. Was it the fact that he loved her now, finally? The fact that he had wanted to teach Kaylie a lesson after she attempted to get back with him? Was it just the sex?

She gave a deep sigh. She knew that deep down, regardless of Carter's actions, she was at fault, too. She loved him, there was no doubt about it. She loved him with a passion; it was obvious. It was more than just the blissful sex as she gave her body over to him. It was the fact that she would cook dinner for him, offer him a place when he needed it most, listen to every word he said and offer a supportive response in return. It was the fact that she called him "Love."

But she sometimes wondered if her motives were truly pure. That maybe her obsession with him was mainly due to the fact that she was still competing with Kaylie for him. Even though she was with him, Lauren knew that Carter's affections would always be tied to Kaylie. Just because Carter had been Lauren's first, didn't mean that Lauren was Carter's first. And the fact that Carter had yet to truly show at least a fraction of what Lauren gave him everyday had her heart in shambles.

_Lauren, no one has to do or say anything to prove that they love you. _

She knew that that was right, but still, maybe it was that you could prove just _how much _you loved someone by what they did. In that competition, she was clearly winning. And maybe, Lauren theorized, if Carter wasn't able to fully prove his love for her, maybe it was because he had already given most of his heart away. And it wasn't to her.

Lauren peered over at her digital clock that rested on her wooden bedside table. It was 1:37 AM and Lauren had practice once again in less than 7 hours. She gave a deep sigh as she stared once more at Carter. Her mind was still buzzing and she knew she wouldn't get to sleep anytime soon, so she quietly pulled down the sheets and her duvet and left the bed. Giving Carter a quick kiss on the cheek, she left her room silently and made her way to the basement.

She passed her father's bedroom and his study. There were no lights on in either of the rooms. Which made sense to anyone else besides Lauren who happened to be looking because it was early in the morning. But Lauren knew better. He was still out with Emily's mom doing whatever that Lauren didn't want to fully know about.

She opened the basement door and walked down the carpeted steps. She didn't need the light on, she knew the way by heart. She walked over a few steps to the left and felt the mat underneath her toes. She walked a few steps forward and then sat down with her legs crossed underneath her. With her hands in her lap and her eyes looking at a shadowed photo on the wall, she gave a deep breath and attempted to silence herself. But that only forced her memories to come flooding back and suffocating her in a drowning of pain.

"Lauren, no one has to do or say anything to prove that they love you," began Ms. Caroline, the latest nanny. At age eight, Lauren had begun to have a rebellion about herself that had her questioning everything her dad had done towards her. His constant insisting that she play with someone else, his drive for her to always be the best, his physically abandoning her had taken its toll on her. And on one afternoon, she began to show the crack it had formed on her. She came home that afternoon after school to scream at Ms. Caroline that her daddy didn't love her, and that there was obviously no way that he could because of what he did to her. And Ms. Caroline could only come up with that one piece of advice in return.

"But then how am I supposed to know that he does?" she cried out with a red face.

Ms. Caroline turned from the hallway mirror and looked down on Lauren with a hesitant smile, "You just do, Lauren. Now I have to go get ready for that…job meeting with your father tonight."

That was the last time Lauren saw Ms. Caroline. Her father had entered her room early in the morning the next day and told her she wouldn't be coming back. He told her it was because they got in an argument that was work-related. Lauren's thoughts paused for a moment as she finally pieced together what her father had left out in his answer.

Ms. Caroline had left because her father wasn't showing her any passion in their relationship. The relationship that Ms. Caroline had had with him was more "work-related" than the nanny had originally thought their sexual/romantic relationship had become. Their relationship was based on transactions of sex that Mr. Tanner needed to fill the void his druggie wife had left and fill the love the nanny had desired. Their relationship was centered around the nanny caring for his daughter, something that Mr. Tanner couldn't do himself. It wasn't based on the "forbidden romance" between a wealthy businessman and the housekeeper that Ms. Caroline so often read about in her books with the red covers and the muscular man's body that was pressed against a slim and beautiful woman on the front of.

Lauren paused once again to feel the distaste and repulsion that began at her stomach and spread through her body. She wrapped her arms around her midsection and frowned.

This whole time Lauren had been taking the advice of a woman who had failed, just like her, to have a loving relationship with her father.

How sick.

**Please review and continue to read. Comments and advice are greatly appreciated. I would love to hear your thoughts. I know this one was a lot longer, but I won't be able to update tomorrow. So hopefully this will hold most of you for an extra day. Thanks once again.**


	4. Chapter 4

**If You Knew Me**

Lauren woke up with a shooting pain in her neck. Not good. With practice today, it was going to be killer. And that just sucked. She brought her right hand to the back of her neck and attempted to massage out the pain; it didn't help much. She brought herself up to her feet and walked upstairs with her hand still behind her neck.

She reached the kitchen and looked at the digital clock on the microwave. It was 5:42 AM and Lauren already wanted this day to be over. The house was still dark with only a few lightened shadows gracing the front of the house. She went to the front door to look outside. There was no sign that her father had gotten home, yet. The paper was out on the driveway still, unlike his usual pattern of retrieving it every morning and placing it on the counter to prove his existence (since Lauren rarely saw him).

She grabbed her purple Puma's from the front hall closet and slipped them on while balancing on the other foot. After an almost-fumble, she had them both on and made her way to the door. She took the thirty steps to the end of her driveway and read the headline:

**YOUNG MOTHER FOUND DEAD IN ALLEY. AP SAYS IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MURDER.**

Lauren shielded her eyes for a moment to keep her heart from weeping inside, weeping for the loss that the child would have to suffer. But, at the same time, she was slightly glad. The kid would never have to worry about her mother being a failure because she was already gone in her life.

_Sick, Lauren. Just sick._

Lauren brought the paper inside and went to the kitchen. Her stomach grumbled and she went up to the fridge and grabbed the pineapple that laid beside it. Lauren reached to her left and grabbed a sharp blade and placed it on the pointy side of the fruit and peeled away its layers. Lauren looked up for a moment to glance once more at the newspaper headline that she had placed a foot away from her when she felt a pain shoot through her hand.

She looked down at her hand dumbly, hypnotized by the coloration that was leaving her hand and falling in small droplets upon the pristine counter. She slowly brought her hand over to the sink and turned on the water. Instead of cleaning itself, it made a bloody waterfall.

She turned off the water so she wouldn't have to see that sight anymore and grabbed a towel instead. Sitting down on the cold stone floor, Lauren brought the white linen to her hand. With her legs drawn into her chest, Lauren wedged her wrapped hand between her knees and brought her head to rest there, too. She took a deep sigh and let the pain she felt on the inside escape just as her physical pain was leaving…

Lauren had been eight when she last saw her mother. With a sobered face, Lauren's mom had come to attend her latest gymnastics competition at the Rock. With her husband, Lauren's dad, by her side, she looked…fitting. The final piece of the three person puzzle had been fixed upon her arrival from her latest spa visit.

Lauren jumped up on to the beam and looked over. She gave a huge, delightful smile and a nod to her mother and then took off. Hitting the moves higher and with more precision than any of the other eight-year-old girls that were there competing that day. She landed it and stuck out her arms wide towards the sky.

Her smile became exponentially wider as she faced her parents and saw that they were still there smiling at her. Her dad even had his hand tightly wound around her mother's wrist. She waved once more and went on with the meet.

When Lauren gazed back a twenty minutes later, a part of the charade had been broken between her parents. She thought that maybe her mom had been crying, since her eyes were red-rimmed and she had a tissue covering her nose. Her dad had returned his hand to her wrist again. But this time he pulled her forcefully closer to her and gave her a stern look.

Lauren's smile faded and turned down at the corners. She scratched her forehead as if some mysterious magic could force everything to go back to the way it had been just a little while ago when she was on beam. But, alas, everything was against Lauren.

She continued the meet with a flourish of fake smiles. She stuck the landings, hit the moves. But she didn't feel anything. She didn't feel anything when she was called up to the podium. She didn't feel anything when one of the coaches placed a bronze medal around her neck and whispered, "Good job!" in her ear. She didn't feel anything when she faked a smile at the photographer and she held up her medal close to her cheek.

She didn't feel anything until she ran up to her mom and dad at the end of the meet. "How'd I do?" she asked with a quiet voice.

"I have an important phone call to make, Sweetie. How about you talk to mom for a sec. Stay with her now and don't go anywhere. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Lauren watched as her dad walked off towards one of the dark corners of the gymnasium that was untouched by the crowd of families. She looked up to her mother who still had red-rimmed eyes and a tissue up to her nose. She saw that her mother's eyes were blank and looking straight ahead. Lauren wanted to know what she was staring at so she turned her head around.

"You see that girl over there?"

"Which one, Mom?" Lauren inquired gently.

"The one over there," whispered her mother as she pointed her finger over at one of the young girls in a black leotard that Lauren had competed against.

"The one with the gold medal?" Lauren asked calmly, with only a tinge of sadness that she attempted to hide.

"Yes! That's the one!" Her mother replied excitedly. Lauren felt her being pulled and looked up to find her mother with a panic expression on her face as she twisted her fingers strongly around Lauren's wrist.

Lauren felt her fake smile begin to turn south even further until her father suddenly approached them in stride. Taking his wife's waist with a forceful arm, Mr. Tanner steered his wife towards a side door. With them taking huge steps, Lauren ran, with her bronze medal hitting her in the chest every so often, right after them to the door.

Pushing the door open after them, Lauren ran out to see her father pushing her mother into a black vehicle. "What are you doing?" she shouted. Her face had become red and now that she was watching what was proceeding, her palms came up to cover her cheeks as she gaped in shock.

"Lauren, go inside."

"But Daddy!"

"Charles," said Mrs. Tanner, moving her head that had been staring forward out the front of the car windshield towards her daughter. Her eyes were blank for a moment until they gained a small glimmer of recognition as she looked at her young daughter. "Lauren," she began again.

"Lauren, do you know what makes her so beautiful?" she spoke delicately and surely.

Lauren nodded her head no in response. She had taken her hands away from her face and had gone up to clasp her hands in her mothers cool touch.

"She's golden."

Her mother gave her one last charming smile as Lauren's father pulled her away.

That was the last time that Lauren had a family.

That was the last time that Lauren had a mother.

**Please comment and review. I love hearing from you all. Thank you for reading and please continue. **


	5. Chapter 5

**If You Knew Me**

Lauren arrived at the gym with the memory still lingering in her mind. She had gotten there before everyone else had (she hadn't wanted to be with Carter nor be roaming the house with the possibility of her father returning after a night of getting it on with Emily's mom) and headed over to the beam.

She jumped up onto it and spun around. She sat down by placing one leg on a different side and then lay down by slowly dropping her head down onto the center of the beam. With her feet dangling, she enjoyed the sensation of being away from gravity. She was just far enough that she could defy it, but at the same time, it was always going to come back for her. Like what a family should be. What parents should be.

She didn't really have that. Not for real anyway. Only in inanimate objects that she consumed her life around. She had come close, after her dad had been dating Summer and they had reached that understanding. But now, she had been abandoned by Summer, too.

She wished so hard sometimes that everything could have been reversed. There could be some mystical rewind that would grant Lauren the opportunity to hatch a scheme that would have brought her father and Summer back together. Lauren wanted that...emotional support that Summer was able to give with her honesty. She was what a mother should be: she offered support, was knowledgable about boys, was a great personal cheerleader, always came to her need, was an excellent shopper. But more than that, Summer outwardly showed that she loved Lauren. That she cared about her.

And Lauren wanted that.

The only way Lauren knew to get her back was to come up with a plan. It was always a scheme with Lauren. There was something so weak that came with just being honest. Just telling the truth repelled Lauren further away. She knew that was messed up; this logic is illogical at its finest.

She bit the inside of her lip and felt a cool liquid flood her mouth. She bit harder at the satisfaction of it hitting her tongue, and she smiled slightly. It felt good, really good.

"Lauren, you going to practice or just sit there on your butt all day," criticized Kaylie. Shit. Lauren hadn't heard the door open, she hadn't heard anyone come in. She sat up and gave Kaylie a stone-cold glare.

"At least I've been ready to practice," admonished Lauren. All peace she had around her had been ruined by Kaylie's presence. She just wanted to be alone.

"That's a first," replied Kaylie. Kaylie put her right hand through her dark, luscious hair and let her Olympic promise ring catch in the light. Lauren saw the glimmer and had to look away in pain. It was just one more symbol of not having any friends. She wasn't part of the Three Musketeers anymore. She was the fourth, now. The one not meant for the glory. She had been edged out.

It was a symbol of what others thought she could never become. By not receiving one, it seemed as if everyone thought Lauren was a joke. All those years of training, all those years of passion that she laid down in sweat and tears, meant nothing now. Everyone thought she would never be good enough.

Lauren quickly pulled her legs over to one side of the beam and jumped off. Not looking over at Kaylie, she simply glared straight ahead as she headed over towards the locker room to grab her stuff. She snatched her sweats from her bag and angrily shoved her legs inside them. Pulling over a Rock sweatshirt over her head, Lauren exited the locker room and began walking over toward the door.

She was ten feet away when she saw Payson and Emily walking inside, both with their leotards on and their gym bags slung over their shoulder.

"Why aren't you ready for practice," inquired Payson, Ms. Once-Golden asked with a harsh crispness.

Meanwhile Emily looked at her curiously before adding, "Are you not even going to try to sabotage someone's practice today?"

Lauren's eyes caught the glimmer of Olympic rings on each of their fingers and the hatred she felt returned. She looked down at the floor and studied the mat that her sneakers were now planted on. She gave one short, curt nod and brushed past them. Placing her left hand on the rod to open the door, she forcefully pushed. A few seconds later Lauren found herself outside in the morning sunshine. She turned to her left and saw Carter walking up to her with a large smile on his face as he neared her after parking his jeep next to Kaylie's convert.

"Hey, Babe. Did you forget something at home? Missed you for juice."

Lauren stopped for a short moment to analyze exactly what Carter was saying to her and just exactly the way he was saying it. She got the message: "Booty Call, I missed you for our morning activity. Why weren't you there to get me my juice?"

She bit her tongue to stop a mean reply from coming out of her mouth. Instead, she gave him one long look before heading over to her car. She heard Carter call out for her, but instead she just flung her bag into the passenger seat and got in. She quickly turned the key that started the engine and backed out in a mad haste.

She drove down the driveway for the Rock and stopped at the stop sign that allowed her to get back on the main road. She peered over her shoulder for one short second to see just exactly she was leaving behind.

"I'm done."

**All reviews/comments/suggestions are appreciated. Thanks for all of you who continue to read and review. **


	6. Chapter 6

**If You Knew Me**

Lauren drove for what seemed like hours. The sun on her face, her hair dancing as the wind passed through it, it was all too good to stop. If Lauren had ever felt pure bliss, it was now. It as all wrapped into the one day, this long moment that Lauren was going to stretch out as long as she could.

Her hands loose against the steering wheel, her eyes on the road, Lauren could go wherever she wanted to go. No one was there telling her she couldn't. No one was there telling her she shouldn't. There were no excuses to not do. No barriers to stop her.

Lauren loved this freedom. It was the same euphoria she got so often when competing in gymnastics. Sure, she would face criticism once she got back home, just as she did when she stepped off the mat and went up to her coach. Only this time, she wasn't sure who would be there to reprimand her.

Was it sick that she was looking forward to it? She was kind of…happy with the prospect of finding out who was there for her in the end. Because if they were yelling at her, wondering just where she had been. Wondering why she wasn't being "herself." Wondering just what the fuck was up, they would obviously care, right?

Would it be Carter? Lauren's heart fluttered at the promise of her love being there. Maybe this would be the moment that Carter would come clean. He would give her a worried look, tell her off, and then shut his mouth for a moment as Lauren looked equally worried and ashamed. As Lauren would turn to walk away, he would come up and spin her around, wrap his arms around her in a tight hug and tell her, "I love you. I don't want you to ever leave me like that again."

What if it was her Dad? Lauren smiled picturing that scene. He would sit her down at the kitchen table, give her a glass of OJ with pulp, and sternly tell her that, "If you ever do this again, I will ground you. I love you and I care about you and I want to make sure everything is okay. You can't do things like this. Not to your ol' man." And Lauren would apologize sweetly and her Dad would shoot her small grin because he couldn't stay mad at her forever. And then he would ask if she wanted to order a pizza, her choice. And they'd watch it while replaying one of the old Olympics tapes that they had recorded long ago.

Maybe it would be Summer waiting for her when she got home. She would be cooking in the kitchen (pasta, one of Lauren's favorites) with an apron around her waist. She would look over at Lauren who had just walked in with a shadow of guilt on her face and a near-tear escaping her eye. Summer would frown slightly as she opened her arms up to Lauren who would run up to them and fall in. Summer would envelope her tightly and thread her fingers slowly through Lauren's blonde locks and tell her, "Shh…Everything will be alright. I'm here now." And they would just stay there together. Almost like mother and daughter.

Lauren's mind got the best of her as she began picturing a new figure reaching out to her. Kaylie. Emily. Payson. She would get home to find their cars waiting there and with them inside sitting in the living room on the couch all tucked in with Vitamin Water, their usual post-practice treat. She'd walk in and Kaylie would open her arms up wide to her and say, "I'm sorry." And in equally sincere voices, Emily and Payson would agree in tandem. And with that Lauren would say, "I'm sorry, too." And she would jump into the couch and surrounded by arms and hands as she was covered in warm hugs from her best friends once more.

Or maybe it could be Sasha. Though it was a far fetch, Lauren couldn't help but wonder. He had showed up at her teammate's houses, so it wasn't that uncommon. Would he finally care enough that he would come by Lauren's place? Lauren would come home late, grab her pajamas and slip them on, only to be rushed by the doorbell. She would answer it, find Sasha there, and look at him with pure shame as he said, "We need you at the Rock. We all need you. You have just as much of a chance as anyone to get Gold. But the only way you can get there is if you train, hard. Please don't let me down like that again." And Lauren would smile and nod in understanding. He would shoot her a small smile and then be off once more, leaving Lauren with the hope and determination that she could finally be what everyone thought she couldn't, Golden.

What if it was Gran? She would've heard that Lauren hadn't shown up to practice and would fly up in her private jet to greet Lauren at the door when she finally walked in late at night. She would take one look at her Granddaughter, and after one long stare, she would smile that perfect smile once more and everything would be alright. She would hug her, tell her that she would sort everything out, and then pull out a scarf that she had picked up from her recent trip to France for Lauren. Then she would start to relate to Lauren just how she had had these moments when she was younger and how she got through them by-

Lauren's phone rang. She turned off the phone so she could bask in the rays a little longer before she had to face whoever was going to be there. Yeah, she wanted someone to be there when she got back, wonder where she was and whatnot. But she wanted someone to physically be there, not just simply call her on the phone. She wanted that personal relationship.

And so in her own scheming way, she was going to force that to happen. Even if it meant by simply turning off her phone.

She continued driving. She would go up one street and finally reach a red light. She would slow down and tell herself to pick a random direction.

Right.

And she would go right and stay in the middle lane upon reaching another red light and then she would slow down and tell herself to pick another random direction.

Right.

Knowing that if she turned right again she would just be making a huge square, she would wait until she got to another stop light and then turn

Left.

And then she'd continue. Sometimes switching Right to Left. Or switching Left to Right. Once she took matters into her own hands when she came across an abandoned one-way and decided to go the opposite route…She did it twice until she noticed someone coming in the correct direction and she quickly changed the way she was going and exited the street.

She drove a little longer until she noticed how little gas she had left in her car. Driving further down the road, she saw a diner and gas station combo and quickly drove in. She grabbed the gas first and then parked in front of the diner.

She opened the door while grabbing her purse from next to her and jumped out. Walking inside with a smile on her face after the beautiful day she had spent driving, she nodded at one of the hostesses and went to sit inside one of the booths next to the window that faced the main road.

Lauren pulled out one of the laminated menus that sat propped up against the wall and glanced at it. Studying it for a short moment, she heard the waitress come up to her and place a water down on the table.

"What can I get you, Sweetheart?"

Lauren looked up and was met by a charming older woman with wearing a white apron, jeans, and a University of Colorado sweatshirt.

"Orange Juice, please. No pulp," she added with a smile.

"Certainly. Anything else? Maybe some food? You look kind of thin-"

"Um…yeah, pancakes would be great then."

The waitress nodded with a gleaming smile and headed into the kitchen as she yelled out Lauren's order.

Lauren smiled to herself. Someone in the real world thought she was thin. Someone who hadn't yet judged her thought she was a Sweetheart. She smiled inwardly again and then looked out the window. With her elbow on the table and the palm of her right hand cupping her chin, she let her arm stay there solidly as she watched the few cars that passed by. It was beginning to grow dark and she enjoyed watching the lights of the cars pierce the dark night.

"Here you go, Gorgeous. Anything else?"

"No. I'm just fine, thanks."

The waitress left the check behind on the table faced down as she made her way back to the kitchen.

Someone from the normal world thought she was gorgeous. Lauren smiled again as she took a bite of her pancakes. Mmm…they tasted so good. Tasted just like home-made pancakes should taste like. She felt the sugar of the syrup collapse against her tongue and she soaked it all in. Mmm. So good!

She took a few more bites until the guilt set in a bit. She shouldn't be eating this. It wasn't part of her usual training diet. What if she gained weight? It would throw off all of her training and then she-

Fuck it. She took a sip of the OJ without pulp and smiled once more. She was finally having orange juice her way. And damn it tasted awesome.

She finished her meal without much difficulty. She wiped her mouth with one of the white paper napkins that rested near the salt and pepper and pulled out a bill from her wallet. She placed it delicately underneath the receipt and scooted out of the booth chair.

She walked the few steps to the front door and pushed it open gently. She walked only slow steps to her car when she heard the door of the diner burst open and the older waitress that had waited on her run out.

"Ma'am! Ma'am! I believe you gave me too much. Your meal was only $5.49 including tax. I don't need this much of a tip," said the woman as she stood in front of Lauren. She handed back the bill to her with a sincerity that Lauren rarely saw in those around her.

With one shake of her head, Lauren replied, "No, it's yours."

The waitress shook her head in disbelief. "You have no idea how thankful I am! Really, ma'am, thank you so much! I just can't believe it. You truly made my day. My week. This is one of the best nights of my life."

Lauren smiled at her once more and then she turned to leave. She got into her car as the woman still stood there waving at her and grinning that huge grin that she couldn't diminish it if she tried her hardest.

Lauren left the parking lot and turned to the right as she headed home. She looked into her rearview mirror as she saw the woman jumping up and down as she headed back into the diner with a crisp $100 bill in her right hand.

The woman never asked her why she deserved it, she just took it without reason. If she had asked, Lauren probably would have replied that she just deserved it. But if you really knew, you'd know that it was because it was the first time in a long time that anyone had truly been nice to her. Had truly believed that she was thin and beautiful.

That was worth more than $100.

**I made this chapter longer knowing how I took more time to update this one. I hope you all enjoyed it. Comments/Reviews are greatly appreciated. Please continue to read. Thanks so much for the continued support. **


	7. Chapter 7

_This is the final chapter. Just wanted to tell you that I am extremely thankful for all of your continued support and continued reading. I hope you take something from this story and apply it to when you actually take a good look at Lauren Tanner the next time you're watching MIOBI. But it's more than Lauren Tanner, it's about who you really don't know. _

**If You Knew Me**

Lauren drove home in the darkness with a rushing heart. With a smile playing across her lips, she let the stereo roar as she tapped her fingers against the wheel. She was excited, to say the least. Who would be there for her? Who would show they care?

Lauren couldn't believe it took her this long to hatch a scheme (okay, today it just happened to be more of a spur of the moment thing, really) that would finally prove to her that people cared. Someone cared.

She turned down her street and looked at the houses she passed by slowly. All the homes had large windows, like hers did, that let you look into the lives of those who occupied it. There were some families who were coupled onto the couches of the family room. One family was eating dinner at the dining room table, chatting animatedly about whatever. One family was playing a very-involved game of twister. It was endearing. And now Lauren was turning to look upon her home, what would she see through her large windows?

It was pitch black. Her heart faltered for a moment. Maybe whoever it was was just waiting in the dark. You know, like in the movies. Being all serious.

She pulled into the garage, ignoring the fact that there were no cars in her street, her driveway, or in the garage next to hers. Maybe, she rationalized, there was a note telling her to meet them somewhere. Or maybe they were so worried they were out looking for her. That had to be it.

She walked into the house with a light bouncing in her steps. She placed her purse on the kitchen counter and called out, "Dad?"

No voice.

"Carter?"

It was still quiet.

"Summer?"

No one.

"Kaylie?"

Still no one.

"Gran?"

The only return she received was the sounds of trees scratching against the house as the wind drove through them.

There would be no one to greet Lauren. There was no one to greet Lauren. No one.

As the disappointment set in, Lauren had one last hope. Her phone. Quickly she turned over to her purse and pulled out her pink cell. Opening it and turning it on, the few seconds it took to boot up were excruciating.

"Come on, come on…" she muttered.

Quickly she tapped in the keys to answer her messaging service. She began to trace circles across the kitchen islands smooth surface as she waited impatiently for the cellular voice to get to the important stuff.

"Five new messages."

Lauren squealed in excitement. They were out looking for her. They had to be.

"First new message."

"Hey, Babe. It's Carter. Missed you at practice. Hope you're feeling well. I told everyone that you were just sick, so no worries. See ya later, Babe! Can't wait for tonight."

Booty call. Lauren's fingers stopped tracing circular patterns and instead she placed her palm flat against the cool surface to steady herself.

"End of first new message. Next new message."

"Lauren, it's Kaylie. Where the hell were you today? If you want to win gold, you actually need to show up for practice. And nobody actually believes you were sick. I mean it's obvious you weren't because you were actually there for practice and then you just left. You better realize that if you wa-"

"End of second new message. Next new message."

"If you want to actually beat me, you need to show up. But frankly, you not showing up just means that I'll always win. So thanks for that."

You hate me. Lauren turned so that she was now leaning against the kitchen counter as she stared out her front window. The lights that were once on at the neighbor's houses are now darkened. She closed her eyes.

"End of third new message. Next new message."

"Hey, Babe. It's Carter again. It's getting late and you haven't gotten home yet from wherever you went. I ordered a Hawaiian a little while ago…there are some slices left in the fridge. I know how much you like it. Anyways, I'm heading over to Kaylie's house. She needed some help training and I'm going to just go over for the night. Later, Babe."

Training. That was an excuse for a night of spending quality time with someone you really truly love, right, Carter?

"End of fourth new message. Next new message."

"Lauren, it's Dad. Summer called to tell me you didn't show up for practice today and was wondering where you were. She said that someone said you were sick? Hope you feel better. Get back on track tomorrow. I won't be home for dinner, I'm doing some…work. Shh, Chloe. Anyways, see ya tomorrow, Lauren. Night."

Lauren's heart crumpled.

"End of fifth new message. No more new messages."

Lauren snapped the phone shut and she slid down the side of the kitchen island. Her back against the cool wood, Lauren brought her knees into her chest and placed her head down onto her knees. She hugged herself tight as she was the only one there.

She felt a tear start to silently fall down her right cheek, leaving a wet trail for others to follow. She tightly shut her eyes in an attempt to make everything disappear. But it wasn't going to.

No one had been there for her. Everyone has seemed to simply accept that she was sick. Or even if they didn't, they didn't bother to care if something was actually wrong with her. No one bothered to question why she hadn't followed her usual daily activities of going to the gym to practice. No one was curious why she had suddenly just gotten sick without showing symptoms from the previous days.

Because no one had noticed Lauren before, just like they hadn't noticed her now.

Lauren hated reaching conclusions such as these. She so badly wanted to just crumple up and disappear. To wish it all away. To just leave.

It was just difficult to reach these conclusions because in her heart she felt the truth. The truth of her situation that she hadn't wanted to face. And in turn, her heart would break with such honesty.

Honesty. Lauren was too weak for it. She would never be able to tell anyone what she truly thought, what she truly felt, what she truly wanted. She couldn't be that strong. She was weak.

She began to cry harder as her knees became tear-stained and wet. Rubbing a cold hand across her eyes in a lame attempt to rub it all away, she shuddered as the tears began to fall harder and harder.

Schemes were just her cover-up for what battles she was fighting inside of her, her glare just part of the game. Her stone exterior was an accumulation of hard-won battles, a fixture of determination to win. But to win what?

A family. A lover. A friend.

But what had she really won?

Nothing. But she would never admit that. All alone, all she wanted was pure and unconditional love that was accompanied by both mental and physical support. Someone to comfort her when she felt her inside crumbling, someone to hug her when she needed that raw physicality. She needed someone to say, "I love you and I care about you" everyday and never regret it.

But she was too weak to admit that. Too weak to ever let those words leave her pursed lips.

The tears began to fall harder as she brought her head to the floor. Curling herself into her stomach, with her arms still wrapped around her legs, she cried.

She cried for all she had never had. For all she had wanted but had never had been able to say.

She cried.

Lauren, if only they knew.


End file.
